Today is one of those days in which I just want to run away. Actually the feeling started yesterday if I'm being honest. And I don't even know particularly what I want to run away from, but more that I feel like I'm in a rut where nothing changes and I can't ever get ahead.
I hate feeling this way.
Not entirely certain how to bounce out of it though. I'm trying to focus on the upcoming changes that the next few months will bring (hello, baby!), but that doesn't help so much with getting through the present day. I think the hardest thing is that nothing is really wrong. It's more that things that I thought would be different by this point in the year (baby notwithstanding) are not. And that's tough to swallow when I actually stop to think about it as I did today.
And then when I do think about that being the issue for my current state of blah I actually feel a bit guilty. I mean, I'm healthy, baby is healthy, my family and friends are doing well, I'm employed... what's my problem?? I just feel kind of blah? Get over it! There are a lot of people with actual problems, not just feeling a bit down over nothing in particular. Which is of course a very helpful dialogue to be having with myself.
Anyway. That's where I'm at. Doing perfectly fine and yet wishing something was different.
Though I must say, on a practical level if there was one thing that I could wish was different about this baby right now it would be that it would no longer decide that my right ribcage is the most comfortable place in my belly. Because seriously kid, you might like it, but it's getting pretty uncomfortable for me. B was actually laughing last night when we realized I was trying to push baby out of that location as I attempted to massage the belly into a more comfortable position.
And ha! Apparently the joke's on me, because as soon as I wrote the above paragraph, baby moved and decided to start punching me right in the middle of my stomach. Ok kid, you win (methinks that will not be the last time I say that...).