Well. I hit my breaking point on Friday. I knew it was coming. I just wasn't sure when. Luckily B is extremely good about being there for me when I'm sobbing so hard I can't see straight.
I'm better now. Really.
It's no one thing that did it, but rather a combination of things.
My grandmother is extremely ill - to the point where I'm waiting for the phone call at any time from my mom. Luckily my mom and all of her siblings are able to be back with my grandmother during this time. I know that it's time (she's 93 and has lived a wonderful life), but it's still hard. She's my last living grandparent, and it's hard to realize that soon she won't be here anymore. I have so many things to say about her, but for now I'll leave you with this photo from our wedding.
At our wedding - I'm so glad that she was well enough to travel and able to be there with all of us.
My job is... well, I am employed and for that I'm grateful. But two of my favorite colleagues have accepted jobs elsewhere, and their last day is this Friday. And I'm feeling a little bit adrift with my career situation right now - unsure of what my position should be and how to make it what I think would be best for myself and the company.
Oh, and did I mention I was studying for the bar exam? Yeah... that. I've done it once so I'm not nearly as scared as I was the first time, but it's a lot of work. Every day (except Sundays!) I need to be studying. And there are only so many hours in a day to get everything done.
And I started P90X again last week. This is a good thing as I know how much I need to be working out. But I'm tired, sore, and so far no change on the scale (or the way my pants fit). Hate that there isn't an immediate change, even though I know not to expect it. Except that my husband can do the same thing and he drops at least 5 pounds in a week. Sigh.
Now, just so you don't think it's all bad around here, there are several other things that are going on which I'm actually really excited about. But those things are causing me anxiety just from the simple fact that should they come to fruition, life will change. And as I believe I've mentioned once or twice, change is tough for me.
All of this stress (both the good stuff and the hard) came to a head last Friday. I don't often hit that point so hard, but when I do, it has to go somewhere, and for me it's generally in the form of tears. Tears have always been my body's way of dealing with any extreme emotion, for better or worse.
So for now, I will take each day as it comes and do my best to create positive changes for myself and my family.
And prepare for my trip back to North Carolina as it will likely be coming soon.
*Photo of my grandmother taken by Persimmon Images.