Sunday, January 8, 2012

Hitting the breaking point

Well. I hit my breaking point on Friday. I knew it was coming. I just wasn't sure when. Luckily B is extremely good about being there for me when I'm sobbing so hard I can't see straight.

I'm better now. Really.

It's no one thing that did it, but rather a combination of things.

My grandmother is extremely ill - to the point where I'm waiting for the phone call at any time from my mom. Luckily my mom and all of her siblings are able to be back with my grandmother during this time. I know that it's time (she's 93 and has lived a wonderful life), but it's still hard. She's my last living grandparent, and it's hard to realize that soon she won't be here anymore. I have so many things to say about her, but for now I'll leave you with this photo from our wedding.

At our wedding - I'm so glad that she was well enough to travel and able to be there with all of us.

My job is... well, I am employed and for that I'm grateful. But two of my favorite colleagues have accepted jobs elsewhere, and their last day is this Friday. And I'm feeling a little bit adrift with my career situation right now - unsure of what my position should be and how to make it what I think would be best for myself and the company.

Oh, and did I mention I was studying for the bar exam? Yeah... that. I've done it once so I'm not nearly as scared as I was the first time, but it's a lot of work. Every day (except Sundays!) I need to be studying. And there are only so many hours in a day to get everything done.

And I started P90X again last week. This is a good thing as I know how much I need to be working out. But I'm tired, sore, and so far no change on the scale (or the way my pants fit). Hate that there isn't an immediate change, even though I know not to expect it. Except that my husband can do the same thing and he drops at least 5 pounds in a week. Sigh.

Now, just so you don't think it's all bad around here, there are several other things that are going on which I'm actually really excited about. But those things are causing me anxiety just from the simple fact that should they come to fruition, life will change. And as I believe I've mentioned once or twice, change is tough for me.

All of this stress (both the good stuff and the hard) came to a head last Friday. I don't often hit that point so hard, but when I do, it has to go somewhere, and for me it's generally in the form of tears. Tears have always been my body's way of dealing with any extreme emotion, for better or worse. 

So for now, I will take each day as it comes and do my best to create positive changes for myself and my family. 

And prepare for my trip back to North Carolina as it will likely be coming soon.

*Photo of my grandmother taken by Persimmon Images.


  1. I got my hubby P90X2 for X mas. A week in he's already lost 3.5 lbs. It's truly not fair 'cause if I did the same I'd probably not have lost either. It's amazing that you are doing it though! It's tough. I'll only do the yoga and ab ripper with him. Try to be patient...hopefully you will see some results soon.

  2. I saw a thing on pinterest which i of course cant find right now that said, "we cry only when we've been strong for too long" ... sounds like you just needed a good cry, understandably! hope things only go up from here. :)

  3. @CC - I know it takes time and that I shouldn't expect immediate results... but it's hard to remember that sometimes!

    @Colleen - thanks for that. It was definitely time for a good cry, and I'm hoping for some of the good things to happen now!

  4. First, I'm so sorry that your grandma is ill but how wonderful that she was able to be at your wedding!

    Second, (and I'm so embarrassed to follow up the first point with this selfish one) what pull up bar are you using for p90x? I'm starting as soon as I get my stuff together (literally).

  5. Sending you lots of love and hugs-- hope things turn a corner soon!

  6. Thinking of you and hoping that it all gets better very, very soon. <3


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