Friday, October 15, 2010

Wedding Planning - It's not a solo endeavor

Whatever you think, honey.


That's often the refrain brides hear from their grooms during planning, and for some brides I think that's what they want to hear while wedding planning! Except, what about those of us with partners who appreciate and understand that this is their wedding day, too, and actually want to have a say in how that day turns out?


Throughout the wedding planning process, I've spent a lot of time reading wedding planning websites, articles and blogs. Many of these sites are written by women, and a lot of the decisions that are made about weddings tend to be made by the bride. But what about the groom? What about when he wants to be involved? It seems like the easy answer is, hey, if the groom wants to be involved, then the groom is involved! But what about when your fiance wants to be involved in some aspects of the wedding and couldn't care less about other parts? And what do you do when you can't always figure out which parts of the wedding he's going to care about? Yeah... that's called I'm still figuring it out.


First off, I have to say that Mr. EB has been pretty fantastic throughout planning. But it still throws me off both when he has an opinion and when he doesn't. It's confusing, no?


See Mr. EB is usually pretty opinionated. So it's no surprise he has opinions about his wedding day. However there are lots of details about this day that quite frankly he doesn't care at all about. So is it really that strange that I'm confused about when he's going to care and when he's not??


The issue is mainly that I'm never quite sure whether a project that I'm working on is going to be something that he'll care about. I've gotten the "whatever you want is fine" line so many times, but every so often there's a "why on earth did you pick that??" thrown in there (generally said nicer than that, but usually accompanied by some pretty awesome facial expressions). And by that point I've generally done a fair amount of work and had no idea that he was going to care, and what do you mean you want me to change things?!?!


Luckily there really hasn't been too much of that. But it does make things difficult when he's super busy and can't make every meeting and I'm left wondering if it's something that he's going to care about. But again, because he's busy, I don't want to annoy him by running every single thought that I have about the wedding by him, because most of the time he really doesn't have a preference and is fine with whatever I decide.


Has anyone else had to deal with this? How did you end up handling it? 

2 comments:

  1. It's tricky. My now husband was the same. Some things I thought he wouldn't care about at all suddenly were things he wanted to be inputting on. For the most part, the way I dealt with it was 1) plan the big big things together and nice and early (ie. reception venue, wedding ceremony venue and guest list) 2) mention in his general presence when I was working on something wedding-related in case he wanted to jump in and then 3) the closer it got to the ceremony, the more busy it got and turned into a "let's just get this done" scenario so don't be afraid to do a few things on the side and then whip them out with a ta-da! at the last moment to save the day. I employed this tactic for putting together the playlist for our welcome reception. I knew if I had mentioned it to my fella, he would have wanted to go through song by song and spent hours debating the selection but really, when I popped it in at the venue when we arrived, he was just greatful for the lovely tunes. Happy planning!

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  2. It's nice to hear that others have had this issue too! I think that's basically the approach we'll end up taking - and hope that nothing ends up going completely awry!

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