Thursday, July 29, 2010

Changes in Attitudes, Changes in Latitudes

"I'm flexible so long as you don't change anything."*

Yeah... I'm not always the most graceful when it comes to changes. I want to be. I love the idea - always gearing up for the next adventure and seeing where it might take you. Except that change often scares me, even when I know it's ultimately a good thing. Which is where I am now.

See, we're moving in a month. And I'm really excited about this move. I'm moving to the city that I've been trying to get back to for nearly 10 years. We'll be closer to family and friends and where I grew up. B is going to do a lot for his career in the next year. I will have a great opportunity to figure out what it is I want to do with my career. We'll be much closer to everything for wedding planning purposes.

But I'm also scared. I don't know where we're going to live yet. I don't know where I'm going to work yet. I detest packing and moving and the disorganization that follows. Let alone all the costs that come along with that. Basically, I have no idea what's going to happen in the next year and that scares me.

For pretty much all of my life, I've had a plan. Things might have changed in terms of timing and where I went to school, but ultimately I've pretty much gone according to plan, which has really boiled down to: do well in school, go to more school and do well, rinse and repeat. Now I'm onto the build-my-career phase. And I'm not entirely certain how I want to do that. Last year things changed drastically on me, but after a couple of weeks scrambling I was able to figure something else out. I had to change directions a bit though, and found out that career wise, it wasn't exactly the direction I wanted to go.
So, now it's time for another change.

Not to get all mushy, but I have to say that I'm really glad I don't have to face this alone. In fact, I probably wouldn't be brave enough to make this jump right now if it weren't for B. And I know I wouldn't be as organized (god, our current apartment would never have gotten unpacked had it not been for B!). So while it's scary to leap, it's not quite as hard to do it knowing someone else is leaping right next to you. And that you've got a cute puppy who's keeping the couch warm for you when you come home at night.

*My wonderful mother has said this often. Apparently I am more like her than I know.

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