Sunday, June 27, 2010

Comprehending the Incomprehensible

I wrote most of this post immediately after I heard the news. I've held off posting this because I didn't know if should, or if I wanted to. But it's been in the back of my mind since it happened. Yes, this post is about me and my reaction, but that's all I can understand at this point.

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I just learned that someone I only ever had the briefest of contacts with has died. I don't really know much about what happened, and I don't want to post any details out of respect for privacy. But I had to write something. I'm just a bit overwhelmed by this. I know what to do when a family member dies (I have lost three grandparents through the years). I know what to do when you find out that an old friend from high school who you haven't seen in years dies in an accident on the other side of the state. I know what to do when I read news stories about strangers and the horrible tragedies that have befallen them.

I don't know what to do with this. I didn't know him well, but I did know him. I haven't seen him in years, but I can recall specific nights spent together with mutual friends.

I think the part that is hitting me most directly, is the fact that he was engaged. I cannot fathom what I would do, or what my life would be like, if anything were to happen to B. We've dreamed so many dreams together, and have built so many plans already toward what we want our life to be. How do you keep going knowing that your partner isn't there anymore? How do you work toward those shared dreams when one of you won't see them realized? I've always been an independent person, but my life is completely intertwined with B's now, and I wouldn't even know where to start. But I guess that's the point - you don't know until you are faced with the situation. And then you go on because you have to, I suppose.

I don't know who his fiance is, and I hope that she has family and friends to support her through this time. But I just wanted to put it out in the universe that while I can't understand what she, or the rest of his family and close friends are going through, my thoughts are with them. And that since it's happened I've tried to hug B a few more times, and tell him that I love him just a bit more often. It shouldn't have to take something like this to realize how many lives you've actually touched. Please take the time to make sure your loved ones know how much they mean to you.

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