Thursday, June 24, 2010

Asking the Family

Have you seen that Folgers commercial where the dad and the daughter are having coffee and the dad asks the girl why she came in so late and she eventually tells him that she's engaged and he tells her he talked to her fiance last week? The first time we saw that commercial, B asked if I minded that he didn't talk to my Dad before he proposed.

And honestly? No. Not at all. I have no idea if my Dad expected that B would talk to him before he proposed, but I never had any expectations of that. On the one hand, I think it's nice to let parents know what you're thinking (and notice that I said parents - not just Dad. If he'd talked to my Dad, but not my Mom I think I would have been a little upset actually - even though my Mom might not have been able to keep it a secret from me for too long!). But I don't think it's necessary in the slightest (unless there is a very traditional person in the mix who wants that - then it might be necessary to keep the peace!)

And ultimately, in our situation, I'm so glad that I was the first to know. After all, it's a decision that the two of us are making. Yes, he was the one to ask and I was the one to say yes, but we had talked about marriage and we knew that was where our relationship was headed. While the timing of the proposal was a surprise, the fact that he would ask was not.


The Folgers commercial might depict the more traditional way of how things have been done, but so far I'm pretty happy with the way B and I have handled things. Here's to keeping the traditions we want, throwing out the ones we don't want, and working with all the rest to create the wedding and marriage of our lives.

6 comments:

  1. Great post so true. Exactly what we think too!

    Love the line, "Here's to keeping the traditions we want, throwing out the ones we don't want, and working with all the rest to create the wedding and marriage of our lives."

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  2. I also love the line, "Here's to keeping the traditions we want, throwing out the ones we don't want, and working with all the rest to create the wedding and marriage of our lives." Here, Here!

    My husband asked my Dad before he proposed because he knew it was important to me. My Dad did not except to be asked because my husband and I had talked about getting married for so long. He was really surprised.

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  3. Thanks guys!

    And I have plenty of friends who did ask their now-wives parents (one was in college at the time, and he drove up from CA to Seattle to talk to her parents over Christmas break one year so he could talk to them in person). I think if it works for you, your parents, your relationship, that's great, but just that in our case I'm glad he talked to me first. I asked my dad later about it and he said he never expected to be asked, so I was glad that we hadn't inadvertently offended him!

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  4. (Wow - the grammar and punctuation in that comment was kind of atrocious. Oops.)

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  5. Paul asked my Dad, but I totally had to arrange it. I had to call my dad, tell him to go home (as he was out and about) and that Paul wanted to talk to him. How could I NOT know what was coming? Well, I also picked the diamond and setting for my e-ring, so well, I was in on it.

    Also, Dad had a crazy beehive living in his attic, and asked Paul to help him clear it out while they talked. He was handing down old civil war bayonets and rifles to Paul, so Paul said, "Now that you're armed, I'd like to ask you for permission for your daughter's hand?"

    They both knew we'd marry with or without permission, but Paul knew his own dad would have been disappointed if he hadn't asked for permission first, even though his Dad had passed away years before, it was kind of a nod to him.

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  6. Aww that's really sweet! I love that. Also love hearing stories like this!

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