I am a woman and I have rights. Stop taking them away.

Ok. I usually stay far away from political thoughts on this blog (which is fairly ironic given that I have a BA in Politics and at one point really wanted to work in politics) (what, West Wing is my favorite tv show, pretty much ever). 


The main reason that I tend to stay away from political issues is because often I don't see the point. If you know me in real life, you know where I stand. And if you don't know me in real life, you may or may not be able to figure out where I stand on most issues based on what you've read here. If you agree with me on those issues then you agree, and if you disagree with me, well, me writing anything here is highly unlikely to change your view. And that's fine. That's actually one of the things I love most about where I live and the time in which I was born - we're all free to have our own opinion. I cannot control your opinion and you cannot control mine. We can each debate our viewpoint and if knowledge is gained by that debate, that's fantastic. But ultimately it comes down to the fact that my mind is my own and no one else has the right to control what or how I think.


But apparently as a woman in this country it's becoming harder and harder for me to control my own body. And to that I have to say, are you fucking kidding me?*


There have been many more well written articles out there talking about the history of birth control and how giving women (AND MEN! Why are men conveniently left out of the discussion on birth control? As has been noted, 100% of pregnancies have male involvement**) the ability to decide when and if and how many children they want to conceive in a lifetime has increased the standard of living for so many women. The ability to go to school. The ability to start a business. The ability to climb higher up the corporate ladder. Lots of good things for women (AND MEN) have come out of the ability to control when (and if) a child will be born.


But there are so many people out there who want to take that away. Except they say they aren't doing that. Except that that's exactly what they're doing. They're saying that a woman's sole purpose is making babies. But then there is no support for the mom, dad or child once the baby is born. And beyond receiving no support, many women lose their sources of livlihood, simply because they are pregnant. Why on earth are people more concerned about a fetus inside of me then with MY life, an actual living and breathing human who has been alive for 30 years? Or why are people more concerned with a baby's well being while it's still in my womb then with how that child will fare once it's born? Why are social services being cut left and right so that 1 out of 5 children born in this country are below the poverty line, yet people want to get rid of Planned Parenthood***, an organization that does more to prevent unwanted pregnancies (including doing more to prevent abortions in the first place!)? 


I get so incredibly outraged by this entire discussion and the thought that Rush Limbaugh can call a woman a slut for wanting an insurance plan to cover birth control pills (who also pointed out the other benefits that birth control pills provide beyond preventing pregnancies). And then people cry that they shouldn't have to pay for another person to have sex. Hey guess what? First, you aren't paying for someone to have sex. Second, all of us in this country pay for something that we might disagree with. Guess what? It's called living in a civilized country. If you don't like it, you are welcome to live elsewhere. But there you might actually have to pay for a woman's maternity leave (or a dad's paternity leave)! Because in many other countries women (and men) who have children actually have paid time off to spend with their infants! You know, the ones whose right to life you were so fiercely protecting? Well, what about once they're born and that baby's parents can't survive on one income (or no income if the mother is the family's bread-winner), so the parents have to work. But don't worry, you aren't paying for any woman's maternity leave in the United States. Because there is no mandated paid parental leave. Did you know that the US is only 1 of 4 countries to not provide any sort of paid parental leave? 


The fundamental disconnect in all of this just amazes (and disgusts) me. The party that spouts off about family values and how important children are protects them just up to the moment they're born. And then begins a lifetime in which that child is told no one out there wants to help you, you must pull yourself up by your own bootstraps. Because that's what all of the other millionaires did, so you should be able to do it, too. And if you can't, that's your own problem, so don't go looking for a handout.


You might be asking yourself what originally set off today's post? Reading these articles about Arizona's proposed law which requires a woman to submit a claim to her employer stating that she needs contraceptives for a non-birth preventing medical reason, and oh yeah, allows employers to fire women who are on the pill. Basically Debbie Lesko (the bill's sponsor) believes that we "live in America ... [and] we don't live in the Soviet Union. So, government should not be telling the organizations or mom-and-pop employers to do something against their moral beliefs."


Are you fucking kidding me? First, the invasion of privacy that this entails blows my mind. Second, maybe we should double check Arizon's schools because I'm pretty sure someone needs a geography and history lesson. Third, are you fucking kidding me? Would someone please ask Ms. Lesko if she has ever used contraceptives for the purpose of preventing pregnancy, and if she hasn't, why she doesn't have as many children as the Duggars. Perhaps we should delve into her personal life the way she wants to allow employers to delve into a woman's life.


I should note that I originally wrote this post on Wednesday, but thought I should sit with it for a few days. And then I read this morning that Georgia wants to force women to carry a stillborn fetus until she "naturally" goes into labor, because that's what cows and pigs do. After I picked up the pieces of my exploded brain, I hit publish (there's a lot of other really good stuff in that article, so you should go read it!). 


The rest of the world is pretty sure that the United States has gone freaking crazy. Comparing my body to that of a pig or cow? No. I am a woman. With certain fundamental human rights granted to me by my status of being a member of the human race. Now, to all of our representatives, kindly stop making laws because your version of morality requires women pregnant and in the kitchen. The wonderful freedom of this country allows you to hold and believe in that opinion and adhere to whatever rules you want to in your personal life. I do not share those beliefs, but do you see what I just did up there? Even though your beliefs don't jibe with mine, I recognize your right to believe whatever you want. Kindly extend the same courtesy to me, and stop trying to make your beliefs law.




*Apologies to my mother for swearing. But these issues make me so incredibly angry, and some swearing is apparently necessary.


**I read that line somewhere and I can't find where anymore. But that line resonated with me deeply. Why are women to blame simply because nature requires that they're the ones who have the kids? No woman can have a child without the contribution of a man at some point along the process.


***Though Romney did point out in that article that he doesn't want to "get rid" of Planned Parenthood, but just make sure they don't receive any federal funding. Ok then. Stripping an organization that does more for preventive health in this country (especially for those who can't afford the high costs of health insurance) of the majority of its funding seems like a really great move.

Well

I love saying that I'll write more and then *poof* the week disappears and I'm just now writing again. Sigh. At some point I will regain the balance that allows me time to write as well as time to spend with friends and family (and, you know, work, too). 


I actually did write a long post the other day, but I'm still trying to decide if I'll publish it. It's more political in nature than I generally get on here, so I'm not sure. That might just be a weekend treat if I can polish it up a bit more.


In other news, not much is going on with me. We're flying out for a family wedding in a few weeks, and I'm really excited about it. We all gathered together in January back on the east coast to bury my grandmother, and it'll be really good to see my extended family again so soon for a much happier occasion. All of my cousins and I grew up together on the North Carolina coast for two weeks every summer. It's been harder as we've all gotten older to do that anymore. So for now we use weddings (and unfortunately funerals) as the reason to gather.


I'm also particularly excited to be in the south for a few days because it will be WARM (and hopefully sunny!). Every year about this time I start to go nuts - it's still cold and rainy in Seattle, but friends in other parts of the country start talking about how warm and great the spring is. I'm ready for spring! And I know that it's still a ways out. I love Seattle, but even I have my breaking point!


Any fun weekend plans out there? I'm looking forward to relaxing on the couch and watching some basketball. Love March Madness! (and so far my bracket hasn't cratered yet - but of course that could all change with the next game!)

Whoops

Nothing like relaxing a little too completely after a huge stressor is off your shoulders to make you forget you haven't updated your blog in awhile!


The bar exam is D-O-N-E! Now I just have to wait until the end of April to find out whether I passed. It's funny, this time around was a very different experience than last time, not only for the way I studied and the fact that I didn't know a soul in the exam room (of a couple hundred people) unlike last time when it seemed like practically half my graduating class was in the exam room (of many more hundred people) with me. It was also very different in what I came back to after the exam was over. In order to understand what I mean, first you should know that, generally speaking, law students (at least the ones I know) are a very superstitious bunch, especially when it comes to the bar exam. You don't talk about it once it's over. You don't ask someone how they feel or whether they think they passed. You just don't. Because at that point, there's nothing you can do. The questions have been answered, the essays turned in, all you can do is wait.


This time, all of my law school friends still followed that routine (lots of "Congratulations on being finished!", but no "So, how'd it go? Did you pass?"), but every single person at work asked me how it went. And whether I had passed. And how I thought I did. And was it hard. And on and on and on. Before you think I'm a total jerk, believe me, I absolutely know that they only ask because they're friends of mine who know how stressed I was before the test and were happy for me that it was over. And they don't understand the superstitious nature that I have surrounding this test. But it was actually really hard for me to talk about it so much after I was back at work last week! Which just makes me incredibly thankful that I was able to stay out of the office the day immediately following the exam so that I had a bit more distance before dealing with all of the questions.


But as we are in the middle of the waiting game now, I am doing my best to simply put it out of my head. And I'm doing that by spending much needed time with family and friends, which I've been neglecting far too much the past couple of months. This weekend B and I had a game night with friends on Friday night (and didn't get home until 2am), had drinks and dinner with other friends on Saturday and then dim sum with yet another group of friends on Sunday morning. My heart is full knowing how many wonderful people are in my life, and I'm trying to make sure they all know how much I love them (even if it means I am exhausted this morning!).


And of course, I'll have more time to spend here with you all. I have a lot of things I want to do around here, and now I actually have the time to do some of them. I'm looking forward to it, and I so appreciate you all for reading and encouraging me through these last couple of months!

So close!

Two days down, one more to go. Luckily the last day isn't a full day, but a half day of professional responsibility essays.


I'm so ready to be done. No more studying in the evenings, no more devoting the majority of my weekends to trying to memorize what's required for personal jurisdiction, or all of the elements for various crimes like robbery, assault, or felony murder. Not to mention having to detail the constitutional violations an officer may have committed by interrogating a suspect without the correct Miranda warnings! 


It's amazing to me that I was able to store as much knowledge in my head as I did - and it's been pouring out of me for the past two days as I answered 18 essay questions.


I have six more questions tomorrow and then I'm done! 


(and will immediately commence praying that I passed until I find out the results in 9 weeks!)

Hey, look, I remember this feeling!

Hey, so remember when I said I was feeling better about taking the bar exam this time around? HA! Apparently I just needed this week to hit and OH MY GOD I kind of want to die now. Between everything blowing up at work (SERIOUSLY why is it the week that I'm going to be gone for the exam is the EXACT week that shit hits the fan and I actually really need to be at work?), and not getting some final study time that I really really REALLY need, I'm currently a stressed out maniac. 


The thing that put me over the edge? People making excuses instead of just FIXING THE PROBLEM. I don't want to get into the whole thing, but let's just say there is an issue with one of my study materials. I emailed requesting that the issue be fixed, and they're just getting back to me today (why yes, it is the Friday before the exam! What awesome timing!). So, now I have to take time out of my day to get the issue resolved (which remember, I don't really have at the moment because I either need to be working or studying), and I'm still getting bullshit excuses. I DON'T CARE why it hasn't been fixed yet, just help me figure out a solution, ok?


So yeah. I definitely remember this feeling. And this time it's even worse because of my job related responsibilities. I don't want to let anyone down there, so I'm trying to do everything I can. At the same time, I really don't want to fail this exam and have to take it AGAIN in July. So, I'm really trying to make sure that I get in the studying I need. Balance? What balance? Please, oh please let it be next Thursday at noon.

One Year Later

I've said it before and I'll say it again - I cannot believe that a year has gone by already. B and I just celebrated our 1 year anniversary, but it still feels like just yesterday we were in front of our family and friends saying "I do."

*Photo by Persimmon Images

I've been studying for the bar exam for the past couple of months, and seeing as the exam is next week, we decided to have a low key anniversary weekend, and go away for a long weekend after the exam is done. (And if you've been playing along, no, we still haven't taken our real honeymoon, and yes the fabulous 1st anniversary trip that I wanted to plan is not going to happen. I'm not going to lie, I'm a little bit sad about that, but I'm really hoping that within the next few months we'll be able to plan a relaxing getaway for our super belated honeymoon!)

B made dinner for the two of us, and we enjoyed a bottle of the same Viognier that we had at our reception dinner one year earlier. 

Dessert is where I pulled off my surprise for B. The cake that we had at our wedding was incredibly delicious but we were both so busy that after we cut it we each had approximately 1 bite before we were pulled off in different directions, and neither of us got a chance to have any more (we had a whole dessert table, so we just had a fairly small cake). I discovered later that the cake had come from Blackbird Bakery, so I sent them a picture and ordered a 6 inch version of the same cake! It was a lot of fun to surprise B with it, and it was just as delicious as I remembered it! 

As for presents, we decided to go a bit more on the low key side. Well, that's a lie. That's what I thought we had decided, but instead B ended up surprising me with three incredibly thoughtful presents. We both took the first anniversary theme of paper to heart, but he did a great job. He framed one of the wine labels that I had designed (for our custom blended wedding wine), he ordered beautiful blind embossed stationary for me with my married name, and he found an incredibly gorgeous (and informative!) book on photography.


Since B has been learning to draw recently, I got him a sketchbook as well as another notebook as he's always writing and had just about run out of room in his current one (and yes, I did wrap his notebooks in leftover Crate and Barrel ribbon that I found recently which was from one of the wedding gifts we received! I couldn't find wrapping paper and this cracked me up too much to not use it).


B also got me more tulips - tulips were the flowers that I carried at our wedding and they're one of my favorites. 

As first anniversaries go, I can't imagine a better one! Our first year has had its challenges, but our relationship wasn't one of them. I just hope that future years are as wonderful as our first year has been.

Things I've Been Thinking About

In no particular order, here are a few things I've been pondering lately.


1. The difference between taking the Bar Exam this time around as opposed to the last time I did it. I should point out that I've only taken one bar exam, and I passed it, so I am a member of a state's bar. It's just that all 50 states get to have their own exam and if you don't waive into a state's bar when you move, you get to take another exam. Which is what I'm doing. But the difference is kind of striking. Last time I studied all day, just about every day, for seven weeks. I started the week after I graduated law school and took the exam at the end of July. I wasn't working anywhere else at the time (thank god for bar stipends!), and I wasn't married yet. B and I were dating, but we weren't living together and he had plenty of his own things going on that summer. The point is, looking back, my responsibilities were really not many. I had to make sure that I ate and that the house didn't fall apart since we were going to try to sell it after I moved out at the end of the summer. I had to make sure that Cody was cared for. But really that's it.


This time? I'm married and need to make sure that my relationship with B stays strong (though it's really nice knowing he's gone through all of this, so understands exactly everything I'm going through). Still have the dog, but let's be honest, B does way more of the dog caring than I do. B makes sure I eat healthy when I come home. But I am working full time. Which means that I don't have the single minded focus that I had last time. However, I also don't have the fear. And while it may have been 3 years ago, I actually remember a fair amount of the black letter law, which is kind of scary. Sure, there's a lot more work I need to do in the next couple of weeks, but I'm not nearly as stressed or panicked as I was last time. Of course, this means I might not be doing as much work and therefore won't pass which would suck, but I'm choosing to think that my more relaxed take will be a good thing. I hope.


2. Intersections with no stop or yield signs. Does your city do this? Or is this a particularly weird Seattle thing? I'm not talking about at major intersections, but rather on residential cross streets. In many neighborhoods in Seattle, when two minor roads come together, there aren't any road signs. So it's not exactly clear which street might have the right of way. I used to treat them all as 4 way stops, but when there's usually not anyone there, that gets old quickly. So, now in my neighborhood I tend to treat one direction of roads (East-West I think) as having the right of way, and the other (North-Southish) as the ones who should yield. The problem is that clearly not everyone thinks this way. Which means that every so often (well, like twice since we moved here), I nearly get into an accident. I haven't yet, but I did have one guy honk really loudly at me one time. But why? Neither of us clearly had the right of way, so why get mad? Anyway. I've always found that really odd.


3. I'm looking forward to having spare time again. Sure, I have time at the end of the evenings to wind down and watch some tv, so I clearly have some spare time, but Sundays are the only days when I give myself some semblance of a break right now. And even if I'm not technically doing work in that moment, I have the dread of knowing that something (either work or bar exam studying) is hanging over my head and I probably could (or should) be doing that instead. I'm really looking forward to not dealing with that anymore.


4. I miss taking pictures. Not entirely certain why I haven't been lately. But it's something that I want to pick back up again. You know. In all of my current spare time.


5. I am terrible at sending cards. Like, ridiculously terrible. First off, it usually doesn't even occur to me in the first place to send a card. Case in point, Valentine's Day. Maybe I'll get a card for my husband, maybe I won't, but it doesn't even dawn on me to send them to anyone else. And what do I come home to this evening? A super cute Valentine from my sister, wishing B and me a happy first Valentine's Day as a married couple. Which is awesome. And something I should have thought to do for her, since this is also her and her husband's first married Valentine's. But nope. The second thing is that even if by some miracle it DOES occur to me to send a card, I won't have that flash of insight until the day of whatever thing I would be sending the card for. And then what's the point? I suppose they'd still know you were thinking of them. Just not ahead of time. Sigh.


Anyone else have that problem? And seriously, is Seattle really the only weird city without street signs on certain residential roads?